And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize