i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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