So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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