sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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