Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
