I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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