finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
