would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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