she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
