Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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