singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
