I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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