Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
