Im at strip club and am horny
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?