I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies