like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
