I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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