You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
