I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
