sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
