It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
