You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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