someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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