My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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