well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just cut my nipple shaving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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