??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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