Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
