I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
