Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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