I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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