What did we do last night that was yellow?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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