I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
