and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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