ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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