Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
