im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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