You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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