do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
