My nipple is on Facebook.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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