And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You took a bar mat shot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
