there's paper in my vomit.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
