I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
