Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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