hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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