i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
