i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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