I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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