A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its not stalking. its research.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You made out with two different species that night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
