Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
