Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
