Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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