I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
