I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
