take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
