apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I supernannyed him into submission
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
