lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
