dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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