watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
