I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
