The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
