someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
