At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
