i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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