so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
